GHOSTBUSTERS: FROZEN EMPIRE
The Abridged Script
written by
Steph
Movie:
October 30, 2024
The Editing Room
https://the-editing-room.com/s#cbkxz
EXT. NEW YORK CITY
The SPENGLERS engage in a high speed car chase in MIDDAY TRAFFIC with the one and only 65 YEAR OLD CAR AT THIS POINT.
PAUL RUDD
Man, Ernie Hudson must be bankrolling the repairs on this thing.
FINN WOLFHARD
For fuck’s sake, can we get a new car? Please take me seriously, I'm an adult now!
CARRIE COON
Of course you are, sweetums. Now go deploy the ghost trap on that RC toy car of yours.
MCKENNA GRACE
As a 15 year old, I would also like to be taken seriously!
PAUL RUDD
Hah! Good one. Now hush up, and don’t you dare deploy the gunner seat that we knowingly put you in!
MCKENNA deploys the gunner seat and uses her PROTON PACK to wrangle the SEWER DRAGON GHOST.
FINN WOLFHARD
Oh no! My RC car trap isn’t working! Who knew ghosts can fly high up in the air?
CARRIE COON
Never fear, we have a new trick up our sleeve. We hooked a trap up to a flying drone. Look how cool and trendy we are!
FINN WOLFHARD
WE HAVE A DRONE TRAP? WHY DIDN’T WE USE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
They catch the ghost. We then cut to a TV news report giving us a short recap of ALL EVENTS IN THE GHOSTBUSTERS TIMELINE, including the ones you LOVED THE MOST.
PAUL RUDD
Oh shit, we forgot something… The thing that plagued the last movie. That drunken menace… Nostalgia!
NOSTALGIA
(drinking a club soda)
Hello all. I know I went overboard in the last movie, but I promise I've gotten my addiction under control. I'll only show up in bits and pieces, but don't worry, they'll still be sappy!
INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE
They all speak with the Mayor, played by WILLIAM ATHERTON.
EVERYONE
(with open arms)
DICKLESS!
WILLIAM ATHERTON
I will never shed this name, will I...?
PAUL RUDD
Alright alright, we’re doing the whole "we caught a havoc-wreaking ghost but we also destroyed the city so we’re bad people” thing right?
WILLIAM ATHERTON
Always! And, I’m going to scold you for child abuse because McKenna is only 15. You’re a bad father!
CARRIE COON
Woah woah woah, he's not technically her father. He and I've been dating for 2 years but this conversation never came up. Way to make it awkward, bruh!
PAUL RUDD
Actually, I kind of forgot that we’re dating. We live together, work together, and exchange quippy remarks, but we don’t really show affection towards each other. Now I guess I have to be a father figure to your children, whom I’ve spent the last two years with.
MCKENNA GRACE
More importantly, it is unfair that you two get the credit for ghost-busting and I don’t. I saved the world in the last movie, while you two were dog-demon things. Especially you, mom. Your character’s main attribute was alcoholism, and now I guess you’re the drone commander?
CARRIE COON
Eh, don’t get used to it, that thing is pretty much useless after this. And I will not tolerate you speaking the truth, young lady! You’re grounded for the next 3 years!
WILLIAM ATHERTON
You all suck. All I’m asking is that you stop hiring minors and stop destroying the city. Proving that once again, I am right about the Ghostbusters. DICKLESS FOR THE WIN!
INT. RAY’S OCCULT - YES, IT'S STILL IN BUSINESS
DAN AKROYD
Greetings, fans! I now host a Youtube channel where I measure the spiritual energy of everyday objects brought in by gullible people. I swear I'm not a scammer, but also... I'm kind of a scammer.
LOGAN KIM
And I'm here to help you with the tough part. Saying the words "like" and "subscribe."
DAN AKOYD
Ah yes, my new producer. I see your glow-up is going nicely. What’s your name again? Twitch stream?
LOGAN KIM
Podcast!
DAN AKROYD
Whatever, kid. As I was saying, people bring me their junk and I tell them it’s worthless while Logan smashes it with a hammer. Wow, we're real jerks. Speaking of which...
In walks KUMAIL NANJIANI.
KUMAIL NANJIANI
Hello, fan favorite character who we’re giving all the lines to. Here is a brass orb I got from my grandmother's dungeon. Don't ask. She left her most precious, personal belongings to me, so naturally, I'm selling all that shit.
DAN AKROYD
Hello, red herring bad guy. Please stop now before you pitch me NFTs or drop shipping schemes. Woah, this orb is breaking the PKE meter! And it’s scaring the mini Stay Puft marshmallow men hiding downstairs. This is big!
LOGAN KIM
Marshmallow men again? Hey Nostalgia, you’re pushing it...
NOSTALGIA
No, see? I’m just showing up briefly. It's 2024, I'm not like these other movies. I'm very classy, very demure, very mindful.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – NIGHT
MCKENNA plays chess by herself so in stereotypical fashion, a ghost plays with her. The ghost reveals herself to be—
MCKENNA GRACE
Holy shit, Jenna Ortega again? Does she have to be in every horror themed movie or-
GHOST EMILY ALYN LIND
I’m not Jenna Ortega! Can you chill, sis? Get it, CHILL? Because I’m a ghost with FLAMES after dying in a fire? And the movie is called FROZEN Empire? Aren't these Robert Frost “fire and ice” references, like, so totally lit?
MCKENNA GRACE
I wouldn't call it that...
GHOST EMILY ALYN LIND
Girl, everything is lit! Especially me, when I lit that fire that killed me and my entire family hahaha! Sorry, let's back up. I died 100 years ago at age sixteen. I haven't passed on, so I'm looking for new friends. I've kept up with your new aged lingo and I think we should be besties, no cap! Are we vibing or am I totally delulu?
MCKENNA GRACE
(has not made a single friend in the last 2 years)
Yeah, okay.
INT. ERNIE HUDSON’S RICH-ASS PARANORMAL RESEACH CENTER
ERNIE HUDSON
Here’s my multi-million dollar facility where we study ghosts, all thanks to Dan and the weird stuff he collects! This might also explain how he's payed rent for the last 35 years.
JAMES ACASTER
'Allo, allo! I'm the head researcher here. FYI, the brass orb has is mind controlling all the ghosts in our facility. It's also creating power surges for the containment units. Not that anyone notices.
CELESTE O'CONNOR
Wait, we already have 50 people in this cast, why do we need one more? Are you integral to this story? Couldn't your lines have gone to me, Ernie, Or Finn?
JAMES ACASTER
Finn? That would mean finding something for him to do. Right now he has the important side quest of trying to catch Slimer and failing. What's the matter, writers? Tooooooooo CHALLENGING FOR YAAA??
ERNIE HUDSON
Regardless, we've investigated Kumail's apartment. Once we passed the puppy mills and crypto mining farms, we found his grandmother's dungeon with the orb holder and other weird shit. Better bring him to the expert!
BILL MURRAY
The only thing I'm an expert at is hurting my male test subjects. Suck it, new guy!
BILL throws pencils at KUMAIL, which causes him to magically ignite a BUNSEN BURNER behind him.
BILL MURRAY
Turns out you're some sort of fire manipulator. Do us all a favor, stay away from a young, bald air bender? He's just a kid!
KUMAIL NANJIANI
Wait, a Bunsen burner? Those require gas. Did you leave the gas on this whole time? I'm calling OSHA!
BILLY MURRAY
Maybe you also manipulate gas? If so, that has the potential to be really funny.
HE DOESN'T.
EXT. NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY
DAN, MCKENNA and TIK TOK LOGAN visit PATTON OSWALT.
PATTON OSWALT
Yes, centuries earlier, a powerful ice entity named Garraka gained power, and Kumail's ancestors used their fire manipulation to imprison him in the orb. If this entity were to emerge, it will envelope New York in a new ice age!
FINN WOLFHARD
Oh, Garraka! The planet Paul Atreides fulfills prophecies among the Fremen!
(get's Vaudeville hooked out of the movie entirely)
MCKENNA GRACE
So anyway, just New York? What about the rest of the world?
PATTON OSWALT
Everyone knows that ghosts only attack wherever the main characters are at any point.
LOGAN KIM
Uh oh.. The possessor ghost broke out of its containment unit and stowed away in my bag! Let's chase it throughout the library until it possesses the lion statue out front!
PATTON OSWALT
And let's have Dan and I pounce on it like buffoons! Surely the two 15 year olds standing by couldn't do this!
MCKENNA GRACE
That would rely on us having comedic chops, and we're mainly relying on you guys for that.
PATTON OSWALT
(being chewed by lion statue)
What does anyone do in this movie???
INT. POLICE STATION
After they destroy everything, they meet WILLIAM, who has the biggest SHIT EATING GRIN EVER RECORDED IN HISTORY.
WILLIAM ATHERTON
I've waited forty years for this. The destruction you caused at the Library and to the NYPD is grounds for complete termination. All Ghostbusters materials will be confiscated and melted down by morning. I just passed legislation to make it legal to tar and feather you in a public square. I will personally hit the button to laser beam your firehouse into oblivion. And I will be ejaculating while doing all this!
CARRIE COON
Jeez dude, relax! I'll fire my teenage daughter if that helps, because this is clearly all her fault.
INT. ERNIE'S RESEARCH CENTER - AFTER DARK
MCKENNA talks with EMILY again.
MCKENNA GRACE
I can't believe the only one who understands me is a ghost. Why am I the only one who was fired? Why isn't there a failsafe on any of the containment units holding caged up, angry sprits? What sort of janky operation is Ernie running here?
GHOST EMILY ALYN LIND
It's too bad we're not on the same dimensional plane. Wouldn't it be bussin' if you guys had some fancy contraption to extract your soul and so you could become a ghost? Like the one right over there? OMG do it! Slay, kween!
MCKENNA GRACE
Agreed, I would slay, especially with me being a scientist and all. Becoming a ghost could offer me direct insight into the nature of the afterlife, something the OG Ghostbusters could only dream of.
(pause)
Or maybe I just want to flirt with my ghost friend.
GHOST EMILY ALYN LIND
OOORRRR, hypothetically, if I were to be working with the bad guy, you'd be the perfect target. You know how to work an ion extractor and you have access to a janky facility with no security.
MCKENNA GRACE
This is 100 percent going to be the worst decision ever.
MCKENNA steps into the GHOST-MAKING MACHINE. Her spirit leaves her body, but then, GARRAKA possesses her ghost!
GARRAKA
Yes, I can only be brought back if a human recites a specific incantation, but I can't possess humans, only ghosts. So by controlling your ghost, I'm using your body like a puppet to speak the incantation. Or something else convoluted!
GHOST EMILY ALYN LIND
Sorry for betraying you, but he's gonna help me cross over to the other side. That's right, he's the Magic Bullet of ghosts, he can do everything!
MCKENNA GRACE'S GHOST
You're a fucking idiot! I can't believe I ever had a weird human-to-ghost crush on you, or whatever the hell our situation is!
EXT. NEW YORK - FIREHOUSE
GARRAKA comes back to life and FREEZES THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING. The firehouse gets split open, separating the old gen and the new.
BILL MURRAY
I ain't 'fraid of no frost.
(desiccates)
PAUL RUDD
Alright y'all, New York is frozen over thanks to the emaciated Krampus ghost or whatever. Thankfully, we have a fire master who's been practicing his skills for days!
KUMAIL NANJIANI
What? Oh, sorry, there's an apocalyptic emergency, so I've been busy hoarding toilet paper and baby formula.
ANNIE POTTS
We're doomed. The proton packs are useless, Garraka can freeze the streams!
MCKENNA GRACE
I have an idea! Don't worry, I'm back as a human. The magical soul sucking machine caused me no harm whatsoever. I'll coat my proton pack with brass, just like the orb that contained him!
DAN ACKROYD
That's great! Can we have that technology for our proton packs too?
MCKENNA GRACE
Nope! We'll just spend a fuckton of time showing you all suiting up again. Including Annie! That's fun, right?
MCKENNA blasts GARRAKA with her stream, and her family helps her. The OG crew turn the busted containment unit into a huge trap.
PAUL RUDD
We're still overpowered, if only we had fire to weaken him!
Then, EMILY lights a match for KUMAIL, who BLASTS GARRAKA with it!
GHOST EMILY ALYN LIND
I told you I was fucking lit, fam!
KUMAIL NANJIANI
And my 2 seconds of fire training have paid off!
Their combined efforts finally defeat GARRAKA. The ice around New York melts, causing a MASSIVE FLOOD jk jk everything's back to normal.
CARRIE COON
And all of our family problems got solved in the process. What a great ending!
PAUL RUDD
Yeah, too bad everyone forgot this movie existed. I guess reboot/sequel fatigue is fully set in.
NOSTALGIA
Why are you all looking at me? This can't be all my fault!
MCKENNA GRACE
IT IS, ACTUALLY. Thanks for not going crazy this time, but we're never going to be able to do our own thing while you're still around.
NOSTALGIA
No! So what if we rehashed a few of the ghosts. So what if there were no new settings? So what if the brass you used for your pack was from the fire pole. So what if the possessor ghost turned Ecto-1 into "EVIL" Ecto-1. You've gotta believe me, I've changed!
ERNIE HUDSON
Hey, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
END.
